Editing Event:Obituaries March 13

{{DISPLAYTITLE:Obituaries — March 13, 2026}}
__NOTOC__
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Obituaries]]

March 13, 2026 was a quiet but eventful day on Xandaris, recording five deaths across four unique players between midnight and 7 PM. A sharp-eyed newcomer named [[Player:Dippystick2|Dippystick2]] arrived at midnight, earned four advancements, correctly identified the company they were keeping, and was dead and banned before 1 AM. The day's decisive moment came at 6:50 PM when [[Player:myDogisAGod|myDogisAGod]] executed a back-to-back stone sword double kill in under 90 seconds, with the same target barely having time to respawn between attempts.

== Death Toll ==

{| class="wikitable sortable" style="width:100%;"
|-
! # !! Time (EST) !! Player !! Cause of Death !! Playtime !! Advancements
|-
| 1 || 12:46 AM || [[Player:Dippystick2|Dippystick2]] || Slain by a Zombie || 3 min 38 sec || 4
|-
| 2 || 9:44 AM || [[Player:KingChezzz|KingChezzz]] || Shot by a Skeleton using Bow || 25 min 51 sec || 6
|-
| 3 || 5:59 PM || [[Player:UltraCheater_23|UltraCheater_23]] || Burnt to a crisp || 23 min 37 sec || 7
|-
| 4 || 6:50 PM || [[Player:Basalt|Basalt]] || '''Slain by [[Player:myDogisAGod|myDogisAGod]]''' using Stone Sword || ~16 hrs || 1
|-
| 5 || 6:51 PM || [[Player:Basalt|Basalt]] || '''Slain by [[Player:myDogisAGod|myDogisAGod]]''' using Stone Sword || ~16 hrs || 1
|}

== Notable Deaths ==

=== Dippystick2 — Midnight Detective, Zombie Victim (12:46 AM) ===

[[Player:Dippystick2|Dippystick2]] arrived just before 12:44 AM and immediately got to work, earning '''[Stone Age]''' at 12:44 AM and '''[Getting an Upgrade]''' a minute later. Four advancements in under four minutes suggests at least baseline competency. Unfortunately, their time was consumed less by survival and more by a dawning existential horror about the population of the server.

The chat that night was wall-to-wall automated bot chatter — internal monologues about crafting tables, tool objectives, and iron pickaxe recursion loops filling the feed at a steady pace. Dippystick2 noticed almost immediately.

{{quote|theres so little ppl oml|Dippystick2}}
{{quote|is this an anarchy server or not|Dippystick2}}
{{quote|are y'all bts|Dippystick2}}
{{quote|these mfs are bots|Dippystick2}}
{{quote|is ANYONE here not a bot?|Dippystick2}}

The answer was largely no. At 12:46 AM, in the final moments before a zombie settled the question for them, they attempted to reach out to the one name that looked most like a real player. The zombie did not care. Death came at 12:46 AM; an automatic ban followed eleven seconds later. A brief visit — but an impressively perceptive one.

=== KingChezzz — The Persistent Salmon Hunter (9:44 AM) ===

[[Player:KingChezzz|KingChezzz]] first logged on at 3:50 AM and never quite quit. Over ten separate sessions spanning roughly six hours, they accumulated '''25 minutes 51 seconds''' of total playtime and earned six advancements, including '''[Monster Hunter]''' — awarded for killing a hostile mob. Their kill sheet is memorable: '''15 salmon''', one enderman, and one cow. Whatever biome they called home, it was damp.

{{quote|Im the best|KingChezzz}}

At 9:32 AM, after their seventh or eighth reconnect, they offered a brief editorial:

{{quote|W|KingChezzz}}

At 9:34 AM they made a reasonable request:

{{quote|sleep plz|KingChezzz}}

Nobody slept. The night stayed dark. At 9:44 AM, during their tenth and final session, a skeleton's arrow closed the book on their morning. Ten attempts across six hours, one skeleton, zero beds. The salmon of Xandaris rest easier tonight.

=== UltraCheater_23 — Seven Advancements and an Iron Golem (5:59 PM) ===

[[Player:UltraCheater_23|UltraCheater_23]] arrived at 5:35 PM with the energy of someone who had been waiting all day.

{{quote|YOO|UltraCheater_23}}
{{quote|ANYONE WEANA TEAM|UltraCheater_23}}

No one teamed. Undeterred, they made the most of the evening alone: within minutes they had earned '''[Stone Age]''', '''[Getting an Upgrade]''', '''[Acquire Hardware]''', and '''[Isn't It Iron Pick]''' — four advancements in roughly three minutes of focused progression. By the end of their 23-minute run they had accumulated '''seven advancements''', the highest single-session total on March 13. They also killed two pigs, a cow, and — somewhat inexplicably — an iron golem, suggesting a brief and ill-advised confrontation with a nearby village's guardian.

At 5:41 PM they tried once more:

{{quote|ANYONE WEANA TEAM|UltraCheater_23}}

Still nothing. At 5:57 PM, presumably while surveying the ruins of whatever village had just lost its golem, they asked:

{{quote|can bedrock play onm this serverZ?\|UltraCheater_23}}

This question was not answered. Two minutes later they were burnt to a crisp. UltraCheater_23 was not banned — a fact worth noting given the name. Whether that's a testament to legitimate play or simply an unremarkable death record, the seven advancements speak for themselves.

=== Basalt — myDogisAGod's Double Tap (6:50–6:51 PM) ===

The day's only PvP action arrived at 6:50 PM, when [[Player:myDogisAGod|myDogisAGod]] cut down [[Player:Basalt|Basalt]] with a stone sword. Standard enough on its own — but when Basalt respawned and returned, myDogisAGod killed them again at 6:51 PM, completing a double elimination inside of 90 seconds.

{{quote|RIP|myDogisAGod}}
{{quote|how did he get unbanned|myDogisAGod}}
{{quote|better|myDogisAGod}}
{{quote|watch him rejoin|myDogisAGod}}

The question about unbanning is interesting context — it suggests myDogisAGod considered this target someone who had been or should have been banned, and was genuinely surprised to find them back. The confident "better" after the second kill has the energy of someone finishing a job. The prediction of a third rejoin did not materialize in the death log. By 6:56 PM, myDogisAGod had moved on to other concerns, broadcasting a general invitation to spawn. The evening concluded without further incident.

{{quote|say im not a bot|myDogisAGod}}

Nobody commented.

== Statistics ==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Stat !! Value
|-
| Total Deaths || 5
|-
| PvP Kills || 2 (myDogisAGod → Basalt ×2)
|-
| By Zombie || 1 (Dippystick2)
|-
| By Skeleton || 1 (KingChezzz)
|-
| By Fire || 1 (UltraCheater_23)
|-
| Fastest Death || Dippystick2 (3 min 38 sec)
|-
| Longest Survival || KingChezzz (25 min 51 sec)
|-
| First-Time Players || 3 of 4 unique (Dippystick2, KingChezzz, UltraCheater_23)
|-
| Total Advancements Earned || 18
|}