Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries

2026-03-19T07:02:14Z

Auto-generated obituaries

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{{DISPLAYTITLE:Obituaries — March 18, 2026}}
__NOTOC__
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Obituaries]]

March 18 was a night of short lives and swift consequences, with four deaths spread across the evening and into the early-morning hours. Two of those deaths — [[Player:capslock22|capslock22]] and [[Player:Orange900|Orange900]] — concluded with permanent bans, both players falling within three minutes of each other during the 8 PM hour. [[Player:Orange900|Orange900]] mounted the day's most industrious effort, collecting four advancements in just over four minutes before a skeleton's arrow closed the account. [[Player:Strin1098908|Strin1098908]] bookended the night with a dose of cosmic irony: earning '''[Monster Hunter]''' just one minute before a zombie had the final word.

== Death Toll ==

{| class="wikitable sortable" style="width:100%;"
|-
! # !! Time (EST) !! Player !! Cause of Death !! Playtime !! Advancements
|-
| 1 || 7:22 PM || [[Player:DiamondKing911|DiamondKing911]] || Slain by a Spider || ~4 min 47 sec || 1
|-
| 2 || 8:25 PM || [[Player:capslock22|capslock22]] || Fell from a high place || ~1 min 36 sec || 0
|-
| 3 || 8:28 PM || [[Player:Orange900|Orange900]] || Shot by a Skeleton || ~4 min 30 sec || 4
|-
| 4 || 12:44 AM || [[Player:Strin1098908|Strin1098908]] || Slain by Zombies || ~4 min 2 sec || 3
|}

== Notable Deaths ==

=== capslock22 — Gone Before the Tutorial Ended (8:25 PM) ===

One minute and thirty-six seconds. That is the complete story of [[Player:capslock22|capslock22]] on Xandaris. Arriving at 8:24 PM with apparent intentions to see the server from a great height, capslock22 mined zero blocks, killed zero mobs, and earned zero advancements before gravity made the final call. The fall from a high place that ended the run also triggered a permanent ban seconds later, ensuring that the brevity of the visit becomes a permanent fixture in the record books. No advancements. No progress. No return.

=== Orange900 — Four Advancements, Zero Diamonds (8:28 PM) ===

[[Player:Orange900|Orange900]] joined three minutes before capslock22 arrived and made considerably better use of the time. In four and a half minutes, they earned four advancements: '''[Adventure]''', '''[Husbandry]''', '''[Acquire Hardware]''', and — most intriguingly — '''[Diamonds!]'''. That last one is something of a puzzle. With only four blocks mined across the entire session, the diamonds almost certainly came from a chest rather than any freshly dug vein. Iron gear and a diamond find sourced entirely from the world's generosity, all accomplished before the five-minute mark.

A skeleton's arrow ended it at 8:28 PM. A ban followed three seconds later. [[Player:Orange900|Orange900]]'s four-advancement, four-minute effort stands as the day's most productive doomed run.

=== Strin1098908 — Monster Hunter, Meet Your Match (12:44 AM) ===

The final death of the night belonged to [[Player:Strin1098908|Strin1098908]], who arrived after midnight and got straight to work. Forty-four blocks mined. Sixty-four items crafted. Three advancements earned: '''[Minecraft]''', '''[Adventure]''', and the ill-fated '''[Monster Hunter]''' — claimed at 12:43 AM, confirming that at least one hostile mob had been sent packing. Sixty seconds later, a zombie returned the favour.

'''[Monster Hunter]''' to death-by-zombie in under a minute is a particular kind of cosmic punchline, and [[Player:Strin1098908|Strin1098908]] delivered it with full commitment.

== Statistics ==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Stat !! Value
|-
| Total Deaths || 4
|-
| PvP Kills || 0
|-
| By Spider || 1 (DiamondKing911)
|-
| By Skeleton || 1 (Orange900)
|-
| By Zombie || 1 (Strin1098908)
|-
| By Fall || 1 (capslock22)
|-
| Fastest Death || capslock22 (1 min 36 sec)
|-
| Longest Survival || DiamondKing911 (~4 min 47 sec)
|-
| First-Time Players || 3 of 4
|-
| Total Advancements Earned || 8
|}

Event:Obituaries March 18 - Revision history

Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries