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2026-03-23T07:03:32Z

Auto-generated obituaries

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{{DISPLAYTITLE:Obituaries — March 22, 2026}}
__NOTOC__
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Obituaries]]

Seven players perished on March 22, 2026, in a day that belonged entirely to the mobs — not a single drop of player blood was spilled by another player's hand. Skeletons led the body count with three kills, but the day's defining story was [[Player:Rohiov|Rohiov]]'s eleven-hour marathon disintegrating into a zombie mauling just moments after surviving a lightning strike. Close behind in sheer drama: [[Player:incirthecat|incirthecat]], who spent the last 90 seconds of their 2-minute session pleading for rescue and insisting they owned a diamond set.

== Death Toll ==

{| class="wikitable sortable" style="width:100%;"
|-
! # !! Time (EST) !! Player !! Cause of Death !! Playtime !! Advancements
|-
| 1 || 7:03 PM || [[Player:stew_man3|stew_man3]] || Slain by a Vindicator || ~58 min || 10
|-
| 2 || 8:32 PM || [[Player:Rohiov|Rohiov]] || Slain by a Zombie || ~11 hrs 39 min || 16
|-
| 3 || 12:32 AM || [[Player:incirthecat|incirthecat]] || Shot by a Skeleton (Bow) || 2 min 24 sec || 1
|-
| 4 || 3:52 AM || [[Player:__Spacecat__|__Spacecat__]] || Slain by a Drowned || ~8 min || 5
|-
| 5 || 6:29 AM || [[Player:G0LDHASE|G0LDHASE]] || Shot by a Skeleton (Bow) || ~8 min || 5
|-
| 6 || 6:31 AM || [[Player:Unlustiger_|Unlustiger_]] || Fell from a high place || ~9 min 53 sec || 6
|-
| 7 || 11:28 AM || [[Player:Darii_1011|Darii_1011]] || Slain by a Skeleton || ~11 min 47 sec || 4
|}

== Notable Deaths ==

=== stew_man3 — Shield Up, Axe Down (7:03 PM) ===

[[Player:stew_man3|stew_man3]] put together a solid first hour: nearly 59 minutes on the clock, '''10 advancements''', and '''23 mob kills''' — including 11 zombies and a pair of skeletons. At 7:01 PM they earned '''[Not Today, Thank You]''', the advancement awarded for deflecting a projectile with a shield. It was, in retrospect, a fitting but temporary reprieve.

Two minutes later, a Vindicator's axe found its mark. The shield that had just earned its citation was no match for the illager's particular brand of violence. stew_man3 departed with their armor intact and their record unblemished — just one death, one Vindicator, no second chances.

=== Rohiov — Eleven Hours, One Zombie (8:32 PM) ===

There is no graceful way to summarize what happened to [[Player:Rohiov|Rohiov]]. In '''11 hours and 39 minutes''' of continuous play, they killed '''341 mobs''' — '''128 of them Pillagers''' — mined '''8,708 blocks''', crafted '''6,327 items''', completed '''71 villager trades''', found '''6 diamonds''', and earned '''16 advancements'''. The list includes '''[Voluntary Exile]''' (killing a raid captain), '''[Diamonds!]''', '''[You've Got a Friend in Me]''', '''[Best Friends Forever]''', and '''[What a Deal!]'''. By any measure, this was a full and productive life.

At 8:32 PM — the exact minute of their death — Rohiov earned '''[Surge Protector]''', the advancement for surviving a lightning strike while wearing armor. They had outlasted a thunderbolt. The zombies were less courteous.

It ended with the death message: ''was slain by a bunch of Zombie's.'' After 128 pillager kills, a tamed companion, a diamond haul, and a full raid-captain bounty, one shambling undead mob did what the entire Pillager Corps could not. The server's longest session of the day closed without ceremony.

=== incirthecat — The Diamond Question (12:32 AM) ===

[[Player:incirthecat|incirthecat]] logged in at 12:30 AM and wasted no time establishing the stakes:

{{quote|guys find me help ill dieee|incirthecat}}

{{quote|zold_ are u there??|incirthecat}}

No rescue materialized. Ninety seconds later, conditions had deteriorated:

{{quote|omg halff plssss|incirthecat}}

And then, in the session's most memorable dispatch, delivered at 12:32 AM — approximately nine seconds before death:

{{quote|i have dia set|incirthecat}}

A skeleton arrow resolved the matter at 12:32 AM. Total playtime: '''2 minutes and 24 seconds'''. Advancements earned: '''1''' ('''[Adventure]'''). Diamonds recorded: '''0'''. Items crafted: '''0'''. Blocks mined: '''5'''.

The diamond set, if it existed, went with them. If it did not exist, the performance was impeccable.

=== Unlustiger_ — Mourner's Fall (6:31 AM) ===

At 6:29 AM, [[Player:G0LDHASE|G0LDHASE]] was shot down by a skeleton, closing out an eight-minute session with '''5 advancements''' to their name. [[Player:Unlustiger_|Unlustiger_]], who had been playing alongside them since roughly the same login window, offered their respects:

{{quote|RIP|Unlustiger_}}

Then, at 6:31 AM:

{{quote|o7|Unlustiger_}}

Five seconds later, Unlustiger_ fell from a high place and died.

They had earned '''6 advancements''' in under ten minutes — including '''[Monster Hunter]''', having personally dispatched two skeletons of their own. The irony is meticulous: they paused mid-game to eulogize a fallen companion, typed the salute, and immediately followed them into the death log. The tribute was complete before gravity filed its invoice.

== Statistics ==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Stat !! Value
|-
| Total Deaths || 7
|-
| PvP Kills || 0
|-
| By Skeleton/Stray || 3 ([[Player:incirthecat|incirthecat]], [[Player:G0LDHASE|G0LDHASE]], [[Player:Darii_1011|Darii_1011]])
|-
| By Zombie || 1 ([[Player:Rohiov|Rohiov]])
|-
| By Vindicator || 1 ([[Player:stew_man3|stew_man3]])
|-
| By Drowned || 1 ([[Player:__Spacecat__|__Spacecat__]])
|-
| By Fall || 1 ([[Player:Unlustiger_|Unlustiger_]])
|-
| Fastest Death || [[Player:incirthecat|incirthecat]] (2 min 24 sec)
|-
| Longest Survival || [[Player:Rohiov|Rohiov]] (~11 hrs 39 min)
|-
| First-Time Players || 7 of 7
|-
| Total Advancements Earned || 47
|}

Event:Obituaries March 22 - Revision history

Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries