Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries

2026-03-27T07:01:40Z

Auto-generated obituaries

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{{DISPLAYTITLE:Obituaries — March 26, 2026}}
__NOTOC__
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Obituaries]]

March 26 was a brief and brutal day on Xandaris, claiming two newcomers who between them lasted under fifteen minutes combined. [[Player:qwepo|qwepo]] and [[Player:KayoticUwU|KayoticUwU]] each arrived, earned a fistful of advancements, and were unceremoniously removed by the local wildlife before they could see a sunset. Fifteen advancements, one tamed companion, and one very reasonable question were all that remained.

== Death Toll ==

{| class="wikitable sortable" style="width:100%;"
|-
! # !! Time (EST) !! Player !! Cause of Death !! Playtime !! Advancements
|-
| 1 || 11:08 AM || [[Player:qwepo|qwepo]] || Shot by a Skeleton (somehow) || 6 min 9 sec || 8
|-
| 2 || 12:28 PM || [[Player:KayoticUwU|KayoticUwU]] || Blown up by a Creeper || 7 min 39 sec || 7
|}

== Notable Deaths ==

=== qwepo — The Question Answered (11:08 AM) ===

[[Player:qwepo|qwepo]] wasted no time making themselves at home. In just over six minutes they mined 82 blocks, crafted an astonishing 108 items, and collected eight advancements — '''[Stone Age]''', '''[Getting an Upgrade]''', '''[Acquire Hardware]''', and '''[Isn't It Iron Pick]''' all fell within the first two minutes, followed quickly by '''[Monster Hunter]''' after dispatching their first mob. By the five-minute mark, qwepo was tooled up and seemingly thriving.

Then, at 11:05 AM, they paused to survey their situation and asked the question every new arrival eventually asks:

{{quote|yo is this acutally hard core|qwepo}}

Three minutes later, a skeleton provided a definitive answer — somehow landing the shot regardless. The "somehow" qualifier in the death message is a fitting punctuation mark: qwepo didn't just die, they were killed with extreme prejudice. The misspelling stands uncorrected in the record, a small monument to a player who got very far, very fast, and still didn't quite get an answer before the arrow arrived.

=== KayoticUwU — Best Friends, Brief Farewell (12:28 PM) ===

[[Player:KayoticUwU|KayoticUwU]] arrived an hour after qwepo's demise and seemed determined to do things differently. They came out swinging, racking up seven mob kills — including a bewildering four salmon, two zombies, and a skeleton — and earning seven advancements over nearly eight minutes. The progression was steady: '''[Stone Age]''' at 12:22, '''[Getting an Upgrade]''' and '''[Monster Hunter]''' at 12:27.

Then, at 12:28 PM, came '''[Best Friends Forever]''' — awarded for taming an animal companion. It was their last advancement. Somewhere between earning that accolade and the clock ticking forward another few seconds, a creeper located KayoticUwU and settled the matter. The pet, whoever or whatever it was, presumably survives. Its owner does not.

== Statistics ==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Stat !! Value
|-
| Total Deaths || 2
|-
| PvP Kills || 0
|-
| By Skeleton || 1 (qwepo)
|-
| By Creeper || 1 (KayoticUwU)
|-
| Fastest Death || qwepo (6 min 9 sec)
|-
| Longest Survival || KayoticUwU (7 min 39 sec)
|-
| First-Time Players || 2 of 2
|-
| Total Advancements Earned || 15
|}

Event:Obituaries March 26 - Revision history

Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries