Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries

2026-03-06T07:03:57Z

Auto-generated obituaries

New page

{{DISPLAYTITLE:Obituaries — March 5, 2026}}
__NOTOC__
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Obituaries]]

March 5, 2026 claimed thirteen lives across nearly twenty-one hours of play, with causes ranging from a zombie wielding an iron shovel to a PvP kill that took the killer down two seconds after their victim. The day's standout run belonged to [[Player:Marifairy|Marifairy]], who put together '''35 advancements''' and '''499 villager trades''' over nearly eight hours before an Enderman closed the book in the End. The evening arrived with a swift and complete catastrophe: [[Player:ItzKiun_|ItzKiun_]] slew [[Player:H4and|H4and]] at 6:52 PM, fell to their own death two seconds later, and their friend [[Player:JustSkele|JustSkele]] followed three minutes after — a clean sweep of the whole crew.

== Death Toll ==

{| class="wikitable sortable" style="width:100%;"
|-
! # !! Time (EST) !! Player !! Cause of Death !! Playtime !! Advancements
|-
| 1 || 10:03 PM || [[Player:EVIL_NEXUS|EVIL_NEXUS]] || Squished to death || ~9 min || 7
|-
| 2 || 10:06 PM || [[Player:Marifairy|Marifairy]] || Slain by an Enderman || ~7 hrs 40 min || 35
|-
| 3 || 10:19 PM || [[Player:RadianceExists|RadianceExists]] || Slain by a Zombie using Iron Shovel || 32 sec || 1
|-
| 4 || 2:32 AM || [[Player:ImmAidenn|ImmAidenn]] || Slain by an Iron Golem || ~53 min || 11
|-
| 5 || 4:00 AM || [[Player:__ElleN__|__ElleN__]] || Blown up by a Creeper || ~32 min || 8
|-
| 6 || 4:54 AM || [[Player:MrMeCow|MrMeCow]] || Slain by a Zombie || ~8 min 52 sec || 1
|-
| 7 || 11:00 AM || [[Player:uhuh80|uhuh80]] || Fell from a high place || ~3 min 44 sec || 0
|-
| 8 || 2:39 PM || [[Player:Zhirri|Zhirri]] || Slain by a Zombie || 34 sec || 1
|-
| 9 || 3:30 PM || [[Player:0shiNoKo|0shiNoKo]] || Shot by a Skeleton || ~21 min || 9
|-
| 10 || 4:26 PM || [[Player:iGvrgo|iGvrgo]] || Shot by a Skeleton || ~2 min 16 sec || 2
|-
| 11 || 6:52 PM || [[Player:H4and|H4and]] || '''Slain by [[Player:ItzKiun_|ItzKiun_]]''' || ~16 min || 5
|-
| 12 || 6:52 PM || [[Player:ItzKiun_|ItzKiun_]] || Fell from a high place || ~16 min 46 sec || 5
|-
| 13 || 6:55 PM || [[Player:JustSkele|JustSkele]] || Fell from a high place || ~19 min 29 sec || 7
|}

== Notable Deaths ==

=== Marifairy — The End Giveth, the End Taketh Away (10:06 PM) ===

In just under eight hours of play, [[Player:Marifairy|Marifairy]] assembled what is arguably the most complete single-session résumé of the week: '''35 advancements''', '''499 villager trades''', '''249 mob kills''', '''14 diamonds''' collected, and over 7,600 blocks mined. She blazed through the Nether — earning '''[A Terrible Fortress]''', '''[Into Fire]''', '''[Those Were the Days]''', and '''[Local Brewery]''' in rapid succession — before locating the stronghold, activating the portal, and stepping into the End. Within the hour she had '''[The City at the End of the Game]''' and '''[Cover Me with Diamonds]''' to her name. An Enderman collected her at 10:06 PM.

Earlier in the evening, a new player named OliverDTLA had wandered in asking whether the End had been touched. Marifairy's recruitment pitch was admirably concise:

{{quote|hardcore|Marifairy}}

And in what can only be read as prophecy:

{{quote|they die|Marifairy}}

[[Player:MShaLig|MShaLig]] filed the post-mortem lesson for anyone else planning an End visit:

{{quote|:( remind me to bring pumpkin when go to the end, those enderman suck|MShaLig}}

[[Player:Lkgye|Lkgye]] offered a revival if Marifairy knew where she'd died. The ban had already landed five seconds prior.

=== EVIL_NEXUS — Back for Exactly 26 Seconds (10:03 PM) ===

{{main|Player:EVIL_NEXUS}}

Moments before 10:03 PM, [[Player:EVIL_NEXUS|EVIL_NEXUS]] returned to the server — apparently with [[Player:Lkgye|Lkgye]]'s assistance — and logged their comeback with appropriate uncertainty:

{{quote|thanks lkyge... im back?|EVIL_NEXUS}}

The question mark was warranted. Twenty-six seconds later, EVIL_NEXUS was dead, squished to death. The smoking gun: they had earned '''[The End?]''' at 10:02 PM, one minute before dying, suggesting an ambitious and poorly-timed encounter in the stronghold. [[Player:MShaLig|MShaLig]] had one question about the whole arrangement:

{{quote|you could revive people?|MShaLig}}

[[Player:Lkgye|Lkgye]]'s response said everything:

{{quote|wait sam wtf|Lkgye}}

Across roughly 9 minutes of total playtime, EVIL_NEXUS managed 7 advancements — including '''[Diamonds!]''' and '''[The End?]''' — before their second life expired faster than most players' first trip to a crafting table.

=== RadianceExists — Learning Curve (10:19 PM) ===

[[Player:RadianceExists|RadianceExists]] joined the server at 10:18 PM and spent approximately thirty seconds getting their bearings before sending their first message:

{{quote|yo?|RadianceExists}}

Then, with the dawning horror of someone who had just noticed the difficulty setting:

{{quote|THIS HARDCORE??|RadianceExists}}

A zombie armed with an iron shovel answered the question definitively at 10:19 PM. Total session length: **32 seconds**. The lone advancement earned was '''[Adventure]''', which in this case described a journey shorter than most loading screens. [[Player:Lkgye|Lkgye]]'s confirmation — "ya" — arrived at almost the exact moment as the death message.

=== ImmAidenn — Surge Protector, Golem Unprotected (2:32 AM) ===

{{main|Player:ImmAidenn}}

[[Player:ImmAidenn|ImmAidenn]] put in a respectable **53 minutes** before an Iron Golem ended it at 2:32 AM — their second death on the server, having survived a zombie earlier in the same session. With **11 advancements** and a healthy 420 blocks mined, the run was shaping up. Then the logs delivered the cruelest possible punchline: ImmAidenn earned '''[Surge Protector]''' — the advancement for surviving a lightning strike near a grounded lightning rod — at the exact moment of their death. The advancement timestamp and the ban timestamp are the same second. Protected from lightning. Not from golems.

=== The Evening Sweep: H4and, ItzKiun_ & JustSkele (6:52–6:55 PM) ===

The three friends arrived together around 6:35 PM and immediately made themselves known. By 6:52 PM, [[Player:ItzKiun_|ItzKiun_]] had killed [[Player:H4and|H4and]] — the only player kill of March 5 — and two seconds after that, ItzKiun_ fell from a high place and died themselves. The killer outlived their victim by exactly two seconds.

[[Player:JustSkele|JustSkele]], who had watched both friends die in rapid succession, expressed their feelings with appropriate economy:

{{quote|no fucking way|JustSkele}}
{{quote|my friends|JustSkele}}

But JustSkele wasn't out yet. They located what appeared to be another player's mob grinder and made use of it — for about three minutes. At 6:55 PM, a fall from a high place claimed the last surviving member of the trio, completing the sweep.

{{quote|the duo gone|MShaLig}}

It was, in fact, all three.

== Statistics ==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Stat !! Value
|-
| Total Deaths || 13
|-
| PvP Kills || 1 ([[Player:ItzKiun_|ItzKiun_]] → [[Player:H4and|H4and]])
|-
| By Zombie || 3 (RadianceExists, MrMeCow, Zhirri)
|-
| By Skeleton || 2 (0shiNoKo, iGvrgo)
|-
| By Enderman || 1 (Marifairy)
|-
| By Iron Golem || 1 (ImmAidenn)
|-
| By Creeper || 1 (__ElleN__)
|-
| Squished || 1 (EVIL_NEXUS)
|-
| By Fall || 3 (uhuh80, ItzKiun_, JustSkele)
|-
| Fastest Death || RadianceExists (32 sec)
|-
| Longest Survival || Marifairy (~7 hrs 40 min)
|-
| Total Advancements Earned || 92
|}

Event:Obituaries March 5 - Revision history

Maintenance script: Auto-generated obituaries