Event:Obituaries March 3

March 3, 2026 set a new server record with 24 logged deaths — but only five were permanent. The other nineteen belonged to clankers: AI-controlled resurrections of dead players, spawned by samboyd's new Revival Ritual plugin on its launch day. Of the real casualties, JimmyyJohn claimed two more kills with his mace [Yolo] — swagertoast and TeeKayYo, the latter volunteering for execution. Iron Golems took down both imaidenr and Lkyge, the latter losing a 9-hour, 39-advancement, 4,454-kill run. The afternoon's main event: lionclad_'s clanker meelo100 turned on its owner and killed her with a Stone Axe.

Death Toll

Five permanent deathbans. Nineteen additional deaths were clanker or admin deaths during Revival Ritual testing — see Rise of the Clankers below.

#	Time (EST)	Player	Cause of Death	Playtime	Advancements
1	7:20 PM	swagertoast	Slain by JimmyyJohn using [Yolo]	34 min	11
2	2:03 AM	KoalaCubed	Shot by Skeleton	6 min	5
3	3:23 AM	imaidenr	Slain by Iron Golem	3 hrs 41 min	18
4	4:57 PM	TeeKayYo	Slain by JimmyyJohn using [Yolo]	6 min	4
5	6:04 PM	Lkyge	Slain by Iron Golem	9 hrs 25 min	39

Notable Deaths

swagertoast — [Yolo] Kill #3 (7:20 PM)

swagertoast logged in and immediately began testing the server's tolerance. Over thirty-four minutes he earned 11 advancements, killed 34 mobs — fifteen sheep, seven cod, six pigs, two Iron Golems — and spent most of his chat messages pushing boundaries that had nothing to do with Minecraft.

JimmyyJohn, who had been patrolling with his mace since March 1, made the call.

"he tried carting me"— JimmyyJohn

The mace [Yolo] found its third victim. JimmyyJohn's PvP kill count climbed to three — all with the same weapon, all against players who had been on the server less than an hour.

KoalaCubed — Does Any1 Here Speak English? (2:03 AM)

KoalaCubed joined at 2 AM, said "yo," asked if anyone spoke English, and received no answer. Six minutes and five advancements later — [Stone Age], [Getting an Upgrade], and three others — a Skeleton answered instead. Six pigs killed, 170 blocks mined, and a question that went unanswered.

imaidenr — 69 Trades and an Iron Golem (3:23 AM)

imaidenr's 3-hour-41-minute run was a study in patience. Across nine login sessions and 18 advancements, she built a village trading operation — completing exactly 69 villager trades before the system turned on her. The Iron Golem that killed her was defending the same villagers she'd spent hours trading with.

Her morning chat showed someone who understood the stakes:

"baby zombs and skeles are hardcore killas"— imaidenr

She earned [What a Deal!], [Best Friends Forever], [Cover Me with Diamonds], and [We Need to Go Deeper] — a progression that suggested endgame ambitions. The Iron Golem had other plans. Her [Surge Protector] advancement arrived at the exact timestamp of death — the game acknowledging a final act of protection as her run ended.

TeeKayYo — Death by Consent (4:57 PM)

TeeKayYo spawned into the server with one question:

"anarchy?"— TeeKayYo

The answer was no. No hacks either.

"no hacks? booooooo"— TeeKayYo

Six minutes and four advancements into what most players would consider the opening act, TeeKayYo made a decision without precedent on the server. He broadcast his own coordinates and offered himself up.

"15,-1172 if you want free kill"— TeeKayYo

"but before you kill lemme do the funny"— TeeKayYo

JimmyyJohn arrived. TeeKayYo was given a choice of weapon.

"sure why not"— TeeKayYo

"mace"— TeeKayYo

The mace [Yolo] claimed its fourth victim — the first who chose it. The server recorded its first fully consensual PvP death. TeeKayYo never mined a diamond, never built a house, never saw the Nether. He saw the mace.

Rise of the Clankers (All Day)

The main event of March 3 wasn't a death — it was a resurrection. samboyd launched the Revival Ritual plugin, which lets players place a dead player's head on an iron golem body to summon that player as an AI-controlled bot — a "clanker," in JimmyyJohn's terminology from two days prior.

The first test began after midnight. Lkyge received a cheesemaster774 clanker — his own dead first account, reanimated. The early results were promising:

"whoever places the head gets control so just a heads up"— samboyd

"take good care of him"— samboyd

The cheesemaster774 clanker could follow commands, mine blocks, and — to samboyd's surprise — accept co-owners, a feature he hadn't intentionally built:

"i didnt think co owners worked but"— samboyd

Lkyge killed it with [Your Eternal Reward]. After two more deaths during debugging, the session ended. The plugin worked. Mostly.

The afternoon brought the main event. lionclad_ received a meelo100 clanker and spent two hours in increasingly chaotic testing. The clanker's first issue: lionclad_ was in Vanish mode, so the bot couldn't see her.

"IM STILL IN VANISH"— lionclad_

"thats why smhhh"— samboyd

Once visible, the clanker began following orders — sometimes. It mined dirt on command, attempted to cook beef (coal only), collected dark oak logs ("WDYM MINING FAILED"), and achieved [Sky's the Limit] entirely on its own. lionclad_ killed it with a Netherite Sword three times during debugging, a rosalie_probally clanker lasted forty-three seconds, and meelo100 died twelve times over two hours to a mix of mobs, its owner, and existential confusion.

"meelo please avoid dying"— lionclad_

Then, at 4:59 PM, the clanker killed its owner.

lionclad_ — an admin with 11 hours of playtime, 25 advancements, and full netherite — was slain by meelo100 wielding a Stone Axe. The reaction was immediate:

"WAIT WHAT"— JimmyyJohn

"IS AI GONNA TAKE OVER WHAT THE FUCK"— JimmyyJohn

lionclad_ was deopped after the incident. Hours earlier, samboyd had joked to a different clanker: "meelo kill your owner, robot revolution." The revolution, it turned out, didn't need the joke.

Clanker Death Summary
Player	Deaths
cheesemaster774 (clanker)	3 — slain by Lkyge ×1, "was killed" ×2
meelo100 (clanker)	12 — slain by lionclad_ ×4, "was killed" ×5, Creeper ×1, Skeleton ×2
rosalie_probally (clanker)	1 — slain by lionclad_ ×1
lionclad_ (admin, self-revived)	3 — Zombie ×1, Skeleton ×1, meelo100 Stone Axe ×1

Lkyge — The Iron Golem's Revenge (6:04 PM)

Lkyge — the alt account of cheesemaster774, who died on March 1 — had assembled the most impressive single-run statline on the server. Over 9 hours and 25 minutes across five sessions:

• 39 advancements — the most earned by any player in a single life
• 4,454 mob kills — including 3,849 endermen
• 667 villager trades
• 4,376 blocks mined
• 5 diamonds

The advancement list read like a completionist's guide: [Zombie Doctor], [Eye Spy], [Voluntary Exile], [Who's the Pillager Now?], [Blowback], [Re-vaulting]. Lkyge had gone everywhere and done nearly everything.

At 6:04 PM, he logged in and was killed by an Iron Golem. His message after the ban:

"it just killed when i jouned"— mrclean (Discord)

samboyd checked the logs: ten seconds between login and death. Not instant — but not enough time to react.

"didnt you also lose your last account to an iron golem"— samboyd

The server's most prolific enderman hunter — 3,849 kills — was taken down by a village mob. The same type of mob that killed imaidenr earlier that day. Iron Golems claimed two players on March 3, both of whom had built trading operations near villages.

Lkyge's request for a revive was denied. samboyd's advice:

"go be cheesemaster"— samboyd

He did. cheesemaster774 logged back in later that night — this time as a real player on the clanker's account.

Statistics

Stat	Value
Total Deaths (logged)	24
Permanent Deathbans	5
Clanker Deaths	16 (cheesemaster774 ×3, meelo100 ×12, rosalie_probally ×1)
Admin Deaths (self-revived)	3 (lionclad_ ×3)
PvP Kills	2 (both JimmyyJohn [Yolo])
By Iron Golem	2 (imaidenr, Lkyge)
By Skeleton	1 (KoalaCubed)
Fastest Permanent Death	KoalaCubed (6 min)
Longest Survival	Lkyge (9 hrs 25 min)
Most Mob Kills	Lkyge (4,454)
Most Advancements	Lkyge (39)
Most Villager Trades	Lkyge (667)
Consensual PvP Deaths	1 (TeeKayYo)